5 Ways to Have Great Relationships with People Who Matter

Below are 5 simple ways to have great relationships with people in your life who really matter.

1. Cut Out the Negative People
We all have limited time and attention which we can give to people around us. So it is very important that we choose our friends wisely. Otherwise we might end up spending more time with people who are not so important and ignoring other very important ones. We all know people who make our day brighter, and let us to be just who we are. Focus on them, and cut out anybody who is sapping our energy continuously.

2. Look Beyond First Impressions
This is one thing I have learned over the years. We all form a first expression of people whom we meet, and many times, these first impressions decide our behavior and actions with them. In the last 8 years my first impressions have been proved wrong many a times. I noticed I have a tendency (as we all do) to judge people based on some prejudices. I have been pleasantly surprised as sometimes a person whom I thought was very cold came across as very sweet and polite, and vice versa. So I tend to give everyone a fair chance these days and not judge anyone too quickly.

3. Be Good to One and All
I believe we all have limited time on this planet earth, and while we are here, we can always find enough people to love. We should thrive to act and live out our daily lives as examples of the best we can be. When you are good, it is about you and not the other person. So be good even to those people who speak rudely at us, ignore us or simple aren’t polite. That is the real test of our character. If we can’t bring ourselves to be good to someone, we should at least not be ‘bad’ and get away from that situation quietly without doing any harm.

Build Friends for Life Wherever You Go

Build Friends for Life Wherever You Go

4. Encourage and Support Others
All of us have a myriad of dreams, but we only follow a few of them. The rest of them are struck down by the world around us, or worse, by ourselves. So whenever we see somebody contemplating a new idea, we should always encourage and support that person to ‘Just Do It’ and take the first forward step. Every new step taken by an individual on a dream will brighten his day (irrespective of success and failure in that step) and make him feel the real joy of living. So the next time you see someone in a dilemma, cheer him up to take action on his dream.

5. Just be Yourself.. and Be OK with It
Many a times we change our behavior and actions depending on whom we are with. We might act different when we are with our friends, and different when we are with our colleagues from work. Even with friends, we might have different categories where we act and behave differently. Instead what we can do is just be ourself, without worrying much about how others will perceive our actions. It is OK to be the way we are, and the right people will accept you for who you are. Some people might not be OK with it, but just say “This is the real me” and leave it at that. Over time people will respect you for it.

Musings in Paris

I love my writings, and now that I call myself a writer, I can’t wait to write after anything interesting happens. While I was in Paris recently, I had a lot of such moments, but since I never carried my laptop outside and was too tired when we got back to our hotel, I could do very little writing. The best I could write was a paragraph each day to capture something interesting from the day. Lack of time forced the writing to be short and precise. I am listing some of such musings below which I wrote in Paris –

“Today I saw two pairs of legs getting out of the metro, and I couldn’t help but follow them. The high heels, the stockings, the red streaks in her blond hair and the clothing breathed of chic fashion from inside out. They walked slowly so I overtook them in no time and turned to take a glance at what I hoped would be faces of two young women. But alas, I was in Paris, and they were at least 60 years old. Yet they had eyebrows properly made, that highlighter type thing was visible on their eyes, and the red lipstick was ever evident. After being in Paris for 4 days now, this doesn’t come as a surprise. Not anymore.”

“I like to walk, and I like to jog. Especially in a new city. Recently when I was in Jaipur, I went out for a jog at 6 am and got reconnected with the city where I once spent 4 years. Today, on a chilly Sunday morning, I got up early at 7 am (late by my standards, but we are on vacations!) and went out for a jog near my hotel. Being a Sunday and that early, most of the shops were closed and streets deserted except the trash pick-up trucks and some fellow joggers. It’s amazing how much you notice in an early morning jog than you would in an afternoon walk.

I saw the pick-up trucks doing their job so efficiently, stopping and picking up waste every 100 meters and then holding on to the back of the trucks and moving on. The fellow joggers – I must have seen people from France, US, somewhere in the middle east, another Indian couple, and some Englishmen certainly today morning. I noticed the construction work happening near a metro station I jogged by, and I noticed the closed Carrefour store as well as a MacDonads and Subway restaurant.”

To Eat Like The French Do Is To Cherish / Enjoy Life

To Eat Like The French Do Is To Cherish / Enjoy Life

“I notice that we are zipping past a lot of Parisians as we walk by. We are used to walking fast, living in Delhi and Mumbai. But here people seem relaxed as they walk. Some couples will stop for 10 seconds and steal a passionate kiss, right in front of us. They walk slowly soaking in the cool breeze and the smell of coffee from the roadside cafes. They seem to cherish life and this exact moment unlike us who always seem to be heading somewhere else. That makes me think – where am I going? And do I have to?”

“I know French, so does my wife. But we speak French like Indians speak any language – in different tones depending on our moods and situation we are in. But it is a totally different experience hearing French words from local people here. At first, I thought they were singing something. They speak so politely and softly, and Francaise anyways is a very phonetic language. Even if they fight (I saw only instance of people arguing), it doesn’t look like an argument.”

“Bonjour, Bonjour – it means have a good day. I was surprised to get this greeting from people walking on the streets, from people in the metro, from shop owners as we walk pass by their shops. This is the norm here, people just smile and wish others for the day ahead. Paris was cold, but such pleasantries made our days warm. Nobody ever got killed for smiling and wishing a stranger!”

“These pigeons are fat. Certainly fatter than the ones back home. Some are so fat they can’t even fly. But they are cute, and lovely. They come near you, and look for food. For Parisians treat them as well as they treat themselves. We gave them chocolates, and they were happy eating it off my hand. They sit, walk right beside you without getting scared. Sometimes they fly too!”

“They wore black dress with armor, which looks similar to the ones I wear when I go long distance on my motorcycle. They had guns too. But the best accessory the French Police was wearing, was their smile. They were on motorbikes, on cycles, on horses and in cars and vans. One child was crying in the Tuilieries Gardens, and two policemen turned around their cycles to check on the guy and his dad. How sweet and poetic!! “

Prescription Before Diagnosis

Scene 1

“I am having difficulty seeing properly. It seems a haze or cloud cover is between my eyes and the things out there”, said Ramesh, finally sitting in front of the doctor after waiting for two hours outside as the patient queue cleared.

“Maybe your eye-sight is getting weak. Here, take my glasses. You can use these. I have been using these for many years and they work fine for me. I have an extra pair of glasses at home, I will use those.”, said the doctor.

Ramesh, a little surprised now, remarked – “But wouldn’t you want to test my eyes first?”. He was certainly expecting a little more after the excruciating wait outside his clinic. “The least they could do was offer tea or coffee to the waiting patients”, he thought as he stared at the doctor’s face.

“Are you the doctor or me? I have used them for many years. Try these now and see for yourself.”, the doctor said, handing over the glasses to Ramesh.

“O..o..h..h..k..k”, uttered Ramesh as he reluctantly took the glasses and tried them on. As he expected, his vision got even worse, and he removed the glasses at once.

“What’s the matter?”, asked the doctor.

“I couldn’t see anything after putting them on. Now even my head is hurting.”

“What?? You must not have focused enough. The glasses are perfect, they will work for you too. Just try harder this time.”

“I am not putting them on again. I thought you would give a prescription after proper diagnosis. Now it looks I am only wasting my time here.”, said Ramesh as he got up and left the doctor’s cabin.

Don't prescribe before diagnosing

Don’t prescribe before diagnosing

Scene 2

“What’s the matter Neha, you seem unusually quiet today?”, asker her mother as the usually chirpy Neha as not spoken a word since she returned from school this afternoon.

“Nothing mother”, chirped little Neha.

“I know there is something. I only care for your welfare, so tell me what is bothering you.”

“You won’t understand.”

“Just try it dear. You will only feel better. And I am sure I can relate to whatever is going on in your mind and suggest a way out.”, her mother persisted.

“Hmm.. Mummy, I just don’t like going to school anymore.”

“Not feel like going to school anymore? Do you know how much we have sacrificed to make sure you can go to a good school and have a quality education? Your whole future depends on your education, and you don’t feel like going to school anymore?”

“But it is too hard, Ma”, muttered Neha, realizing that she should have stayed quiet in the first place.

“Learn something from your elder sister. If you apply yourself in your studies a little harder, even you will start enjoying it. You need to understand education is the foundation your future will be built upon”, said the mother with a tone of her voice finally coming back to normal.

Neha went back to being quiet.

Scene 3

For the third scene, lets imagine a similar scene from our own lives where he have been too quick to pass judgement or offer solutions. A scene where we want the other person to understand our point of view before making any effort to understand theirs. I am sure it would neither be too difficult to recall such a scene nor much different from any of the above scenes.

Paris on Foot – Walking and Exploring

After spending a week in Paris, one thing I enjoyed most was exploring the city on foot. Given my liking to long walks which I developed in Bangalore, I loved to explore and observe all the little details of Paris which is possible only when walking. The luxury of walking without a time line and a destination makes it such a fun activity. You can stop anywhere you want, stare at whatever catches your attention, get into a conversation with locals, or just continue walking. Below are a few highlights of Paris which I explored by walking around.

We could see people from almost every country

We could see people from almost every country

Walking by Siene
The river Siene is Paris’ lifeblood. It flows right across the center of the city, and most major landmarks are situated around it. A stroll along its banks is the best way to discover Paris anyday. There are numerous bridges along the length of the river, each of a different architecture and historical significance. On both sides of the bridge, there are tourist spots as well as numerous cafes and restaurants. Every pillar, piece of rock or metal is beautifully designed and it is difficult to keep our eyes (or cameras) off them.

One of the many beautiful bridges across the Siene

One of the many beautiful bridges across the Siene

The Cold Wind makes Walk feel even better
Considering Paris is rather cool throughout the year, there is a cool breeze always blowing. And if it rains, like it did when we were in Paris, the winds can turn to chilly. Walking is the best way to get some body heat and enjoy the beauty that Paris has to offer. It is always refreshing to take detours into the little alleys and absorb the little details.

A Souvenir shop, discovered only because of walking

A Souvenir shop, discovered only because of walking

Walk-able City
In contrast to our cities back home, Paris comes across as a walkable city. Most of the main sights are close to each other. The streets can be small but there is always a foot path to walk. There are numerous cafes along the way so you can always drop in and take that cup of coffee or beer if you get tired.

This is arguably the most famous shopping street in the world

This is arguably the most famous shopping street in the world

A queue outside the Louis Vuitton store

A queue outside the Louis Vuitton store

Arc De Triomphe to Champs Elysees to Tuileries Gardens
One of the best stretch we walked in Paris was from the Tuileries Gardens to the Arc De Triomphe. The garden is right next to the Louvre, and there were people of all ages relaxing in the sun. After that, we walked on the avenue des champs-elysees which is one of the most popular shopping destinations in the world. We walked there, stopped to see the various branded shops we saw there. There were people from almost every country out there, and I must say it got pretty crowded in the evening. At the end of the avenue we have the Arc De Triomphe, with its unmistaken similarity to our own India Gate.

Arc de Triomphe - find it familiar?

Arc de Triomphe – find it familiar?

The Little Boy With His Hugs

There is so much we can learn from little boys and girls if we just observe them play, laugh and cry in their day to day activities. Recently I saw a little boy in a shopping mall with his parents. Suddenly, out of nowhere, he starts running and hugged the left leg of a girl coming from the opposite direction. The girl immediately smiled at seeing this little boy’s smile and innocence, and hugged him back and even lifted him in her arms. The parents looked a little embarrassed at first, but were smiling themselves soon.

A hug is a great gift - one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange.

A hug is a great gift – one size fits all, and it’s easy to exchange.

With the girl gone, the boy started looking for someone to run towards again. Sensing this, his dad said “Now no more running around, hold my hand and walk like a good boy.”

But before I could look anywhere else, he got his finger free from his father’s grip and starting running again. This time, he crashed into an elderly man who was talking over the phone to somebody, and looked a little tensed or worried.

“Get off me”, he said to the boy, but you know kids, and he held on.

“Leave uncle alone, you are hurting him”, said his father as he tried to take him away from the old man. He said sorry to the old man too, in the meanwhile.

“Ok, I have something here, I will call you later”, said the old man to whoever he was talking to. He then looked at the boy, waved his hand on the boy’s head and smiling at him, said “What is your name?”

Seeing the old man smiling, the boy loosened his grip, shied a little bit, muttered his name (which I couldn’t hear) and then again held his father’s hand and started walking.

Sometimes gestures can do more good than any combination of words coming out of our mouths. It seemed that this boy had a gift of hugs, and he went about distributing them to strangers, spreading smiles all around. The world would be a much better place, if we can also focus a little bit more on gestures of love than on words.