How standing for something bigger than yourself is related to motivation?

Do you take big goals in life and then find yourself dis-empowered and not take any actions at the first sight of a breakdown. Doesn’t demotivation and procrastination set in when we face setbacks and lower than expected results? I have seen this many times in my own life. I decide on a new goal and make big plans for it which leaves me motivated and ready for action. But as soon as I face a few setbacks and know that the targets I set are not going to be achieved, I give up even on what moderate numbers I can achieve. Why so?

At the same time, there have been times, when I have seen myself work out of my own capacity, even when the chips are down. These were the times where I didn’t even make an effort to stay motivated, but somehow I went out of my skin to give my best. I have often wondered what has been the difference in these two cases? The difference I have observed is standing for something bigger than oneself.

Are people counting on you for something?
What I have observed is that people who were doing their best were often those on whom others were counting on for something. For example – I have seen my mother beat cancer three times and do things during her treatment that has astonished doctors and relatives alike. The kind of courage she showed made one of the top chemotherapy specialists of the country remark – “You are the only patient I have seen who keep on coming smiling and asks for one more round of chemotherapy!!” And she has gone through around 20 rounds of chemotherapy, and all have been miserably painful and unbearable for her. But what gave her this power?

What do you stand for?

What do you stand for?

I think it was because she knew her family was counting on her. Both of us brothers were still studying, and she wanted to see us achieve success in life. That is what she always told the doctors – “I am not dying now, before seeing my children grow up.” I am sure she would have given up far more easily if she wanted to get back healthy only for herself, as any cancer patient will testify that chemotherapy is even worse than dying. But she had a purpose larger than herself, and that made her victorious over cancer.

I have seen the same with myself when I was with InfoEdge in Noida leading a team of 14 people. Knowing that they were counting on me made me do things which I was neither willing nor capable of doing at that time. And that year is still one of the most humbling and learning experience of my life.

It is so easy to give up when you only think about yourself

When you are only worried about doing something for yourself, it is very hard to keep yourself motivated when you don’t see the expected results happening. We found it the most easy to give up on our promises to ourselves as it doesn’t seem ‘wrong’. That is why it is so hard to motivate ourself in the face of challenges and obstacles when we want something only for ourselves. It is so tough to take the tough decisions and keep going when we don’t have some bigger purpose to serve rather than just our own desires.

Conclusion
So the next time you find yourself dis-empowered, try to work out of a context which is bigger than yourself or what you want. The minute you stop focusing on yourself, all of your pity, self doubt and worry will melt away. You will find courage to deal with things, and a new found peace and satisfaction in your lives. You will do the hardest of tasks without getting tired. The more you think about yourself, the weaker you will become. The more you recognize that your life is serving a bigger purpose, the stronger you will become. And this holds true in all areas of life – family, work, business, etc.

And as I write this I realize that I have no such purpose left in my life bigger than myself.. and I know I need to find, or create one soon..

2012 – The Year That Was

One year is not a very long time, so to speak. But what can change in one’s life in that one year has no boundaries. If I look back at where I was at the start of this year and where I am now, there are hardly anything in common.

I’m not in the same job as I was a year before, neither am I staying in the same home and city. The set of people I was talking to most in January and those with whom I interact with these days are totally different. Even at the deeper level of thoughts and consciousness, I am a very different person now than what I was a year ago ( thought still not very sure about this). I am thinking and acting about the same stuff differently, and have already done some things in this year which I thought I would never do.

The year started with a big change on the professional front – as I left Yahoo and got busy in setting up my own company. I enjoyed writing product specs, then coding most of them myself, releasing beta releases of my product and getting feedback from prospective customers. Then started the process of making business plans, pitching for funding to investors and forming partnerships with other entrepreneurs.

2013 - Happy New Year

2013 – Happy New Year

Working from home had another perk – I got to spend the maximum time with my parents, unless when I was out with friends or for work related meetings. Before I got the biggest jolt of my life in July, I enjoyed and cherished every second I spend with my parents in Bangalore. Although my mother was troubled by a leg injury at the beginning of the year, she was duly enjoying my being at home full time. We used to play and tease each other, and often run around the house chasing each other on trivial issues. But the most important thing was – she was truly happy and enjoying whatever Bangalore had to offer.

As the year ends, all these conflicting thoughts and emotions are settling and giving way to a peaceful state again. The anger and the upset is still there, but I guess there is less mental holding on to it now. It’s not like the emotions are not there, but now I am not so caught up in them.

It is said that the “mind” is our biggest treasure, the one thing which separate us from animals. But it can also be our biggest hindrance. The mind likes to think – about the past pains, about the future dreams, and so on. If we get too caught up with it, we risk missing the right here right now, this very moment. We can only cherish the present moment if we learn and practice to separate from our constantly spinning mind. And it also doesn’t mean that the pain will go away. It will stay with us, and there is no place to go. But it is all OK.. Just as it is!! There is no where else to go. Pain or pleasure, it doesn’t make any difference.

Sailing Over The River of Life

I usually maintain a small list of topics and bullet points on articles I want to write upon. Most of the times, I always have around five half-written articles in that document, from which I usually pick one and finish for posting. Even at this moment, I have a list of 5-10 such articles, all from more than 4 months ago when my life took a complete u-turn.

Though I have started writing again now, my frequency of writing is still very less. One reason for this is because most of the topics I have noted down to “write later” doesn’t seem relevant to me now, or the thoughts which I have already noted down seem alien to me now. Even from the already posted articles, my views are not aligned with many of them.

Of course, life happens over a large period of time, and it brings along its own challenges and surprises, successes and failures, learnings and lessons. And everybody’s thinking changes in the course of a life time. Looking back, I can very easily see how I (and my actions and behaviors) have changed multiple times. I can hardly recognize the person I was when I completed school, then when I completed engineering or when I moved to Bangalore in 2008. In fact, I can see a lot of changes in me from the person that I was just a few months ago.

Having said that, it would not be wrong to say that whatever I have done or thought in the past had certainly resonated with my thoughts at that time, even though I would not do many things the ‘same way‘ now. Standing in now, I don’t have any regrets on the decisions or actions I have taken in the past, even though I see many of them as mistakes or blunders now.

I have no idea what the future has in store for me, or what my thoughts would be in the future. I think what is important is going through with what we are thinking at this moment, and not taking actions based on what we have done in the past or how our thought process had been in the years gone by. Even if that means throwing away all the articles or topics I have already written, or taking a sudden career path, or deciding to interact with a different set of people – perhaps even in a new city or country.

This quote by Emma Smith looks so appropriate now – “Life is like the river, sometimes it sweeps you gently along and sometimes the rapids come out of nowhere.”

And that is what I am going to do, live each day as it comes, and doing what seems best at the moment, irrespective of how others feel about it, or even how I have felt about it in the past. Just as the flow of a river never stops until it joins the ocean, our lives also never stop or pass through the same spot twice. The river might change its direction due to obstacles in the path, which it either wears down or finds a way around until it reaches its destination, slowly and persistently. We should always do the same with our lives too.

Death is What Makes it all Worth it

The point I want to make through this article is the significance of death. In my opinion, death is the ultimate deadline, just like any other we face in our lives, given by our boss or wife. Death is what makes life relevant. What would life be if nobody would die? And life of people who forget that their life has a limit is a testimony to this fact.

The biggest blunder we can do with a deadline is forgetting that there is a deadline. What is a football match if there is no timing, and it continues forever? The end is what makes everything in this world worthwhile. As I said in a previous article, our task in life is to cause a disturbance in this world while we are alive, and death is the deadline for this task. Without death, this task would have no meaning. And it is only after death that we can measure what we have left behind.

I now know how true this is

I now know how true this is

And no deadline is the end, it is the beginning of something new. You finish a task on time – what do you get out of it? The task was most likely a vehicle to deliver something, to start something new. We don’t mourn the completion of a deadline, instead we celebrate!

With life, obviously there will be a grieving and mourning period if we loose our loved one (like my mom recently), but we must also make sure to celebrate the life of those who are no more with us.

In my case, my mother’s life was an investment – in creating the family that she has left behind. And as she used to say – “It is not the length of life that matters, it is the depth of it that does”. And I am testimony to the fact that in the 51 years that she lived, she did or achieved what most people can’t do even in a 100 years.

I know that a part of me has also died with her and this void can never be filled, but at the same time I realise that I must celebrate her life too – for the kind of love, courage, strength and mental toughness I saw in her was unmatchable. I (and we) must not forget that our life is a vehicle to start something new, make something better, and it continues after the deadline is over (death).

From birth till death, whatever we do or achieve are only the inputs or raw materials on which something great is about to be built in the future – the life after the deadline. Have you ever thought about that? What are the fruits of your life that the world will enjoy after it ends?

If we examine the lives of great leaders like Mahatama Gandhi, Martin Luther King Jr, Henry Ford, etc we will realise it is not they who benefit out of their hard work but the future generations. Most of the times these leaders were not even alive to witness the fruits of their labor. It is ironical, but I guess that is just one of the paradoxes of life.

As Mark Twain once said – “The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” Given the way my mother lived, it was no surprise that she went in peace. She did not once during her last 9 years of treatment showed any signs of worry (about death) or losing her composure.

In fact, she surprised everyone (doctors, relatives, etc) by the energy and love she carried around herself. Death is what makes our lives meaningful, irrespective of how painful they are.

Death is where it all starts, not where it all ends !!

Not Listening to, or Moving Forward Despite the word NO Thrown at You

One side effect of being an entrepreneur is that you stop hearing the word “NO“. In fact, one can say that you still hear the word but you don’t listen to it or it doesn’t stop you anymore. Where it gets interesting is when this start happening even in personal and day-to-day issues apart from just professional matters, as I have observed in the last few months.

Lately I have noticed that how I have annoyed and surprised many people as I have ignored when they said NO to a certain matter, or how I have come up and followed up with them again and again. People are not used to hear back from people after they have uttered the NO word, but it works for me as long as it gets the job done.

What's your definition of NO?

What’s your definition of NO?

I think what entrepreneurship has done is forced me to change the definition of NO to “not right now”, “not this way” or something else depending on the situation. If I look back, I can remember very clearly a few instances when I have followed up on a NO response with – “How about tomorrow?”, “How about if I do it this way?”, or “Is there another way we can work it out?” and similar such questions until I get at least a part of what I wanted in the first place.

When we are working on something we really care about, it is very easy to get discouraged. It is very normal to even assume NO as the answer if the opposite party doesn’t reply or get back to us for a few days. But the truth is that there is probably a reason unknown to us for the No or No Reply. And in most of the cases, there is an alternate to that reason which, if explored, could lead to a Yes eventually.

I guess this is almost second nature to entrepreneurs, but we must always keep persevering if we “really” want to get what we desire. And if it is meant to be, it will happen eventually. We just have to keep on it, day after day, week after week, and month after month.

And even if you get a final NO (like somebody threatening to hit you the next time you bring a certain issue up) or you decide to move on (which is always a fine line), I have also realized that setbacks are often the starting points of something else, and not an end in itself. The only question is how we approach them, and where we draw that thin line between “giving up” and “going after what you really care about“.