Life

Articles about my life, experiences, learnings and more

There are 150 posts filed in Life (this is page 8 of 30).

Two more Tragic Myths of the Time we Live in

Starting from where I left in my previous article about the Top Three Myths of the time we live in, I am going to present two more such myths in this article. It furthers on the same principle that nothing is fixed despite our attempts to see reality through culture, belief systems and processes. And how, if we can see the world free of these myths, can we live whole heartedly and enjoy the thrill of living with the various emotions and anxieties it has to bring, rather than resisting it. So below are listed two more tragic myths of these times –

Live / Contribute for Others
We live in a world where ‘social good‘ and ‘sacrificing‘ oneself for another has become noble virtues. And being selfish and doing something only for your own pleasure invite scathing comments and looks from the so-called society. By getting stuck in the myth of seeking approval of the world, we often risk losing ourselves and that can lead to a life without joy and fulfillment even when it might look good to the ‘others‘.

The highest value a man should strive for is pride and confidence in what he is doing. It is your own respect, and you have to earn it. If you are not happy, it is the biggest dis-service you are doing to the human race. Isn’t it strange that it is called noble to do something for the good of others, but the same happiness becomes devilish when we seek it ourselves? Why is it bad to provide yourself with some fun and pleasure, and good to give the same pleasure to others?

I believe the best thing a human being can do for others is to live his life the best he can to fulfill his own desires. And it is a big myth – to do something which should look good in the eyes of the ‘others’, first it should look good in your eyes. And if nobody else sees it the way you are seeing, go ahead and do it because it is your life and not theirs.

(P.S. – I am not against service to others and standing for other’s rights, but I believe the best way of doing that is not by sacrificing anything in our lives. Instead I believe that standing for our own happiness and desires is the first step to feel really free to to do any kind of service. I will write what service means to me in another article.)

Service

Service

Love and relationships are two-way streets
One of the biggest myths which we turn into reasons later on to back out is that love and relationships are two-way streets and they expect something in return. And here I am referring to the love between any two individuals, as brothers, father-son, friends and not just romantic love. Loving someone is the purest joy a human being can experience, yet “being loved” in return is a myth. In the modern society, we have all become so driven by materialistic desires that loving and respecting another being just like ourselves has become rare. We are constantly looking for reasons of why not to love someone, rather than the other way around?

Loving someone unilaterally without any expectations is a virtue which results in the purest forms of happiness. By loving someone, we are declaring our love for ourself first and it makes us grow in many different ways. Loving somebody is the purest form of being human I would say. It will rejuvenate your mind, energize your body and nourish your soul. And it is no tragedy if the love is not appreciated or reciprocated. You are loving someone because you want to love, not because you want to “be loved“.

(P.S. – Again, that does not mean otherwise. A two way relationship will always be more fulfilling and satisfying. My only point is that it is not the condition of love.)

Conclusion
In our side of the world (eastern), the illusion formed by these myths is termed “Maya“. We make everything real which we perceive by our senses, for example, if we see, feel, hear and smell something, it is very ‘real‘ for us rather than just an imagination created by our mind based on senses. For eg – If all doctors say that someone is not going to live more than 1 year due to some critical disease, it becomes reality for us, rather than just the illusion which our thoughts have created because doctors are meant to be experts in their fields.

Ten Frank and Straight from the Gut Tips If You are Angry at Someone

1. If you are angry, irritated or frustrated, seal your mouth. Don’t say anything, don’t send any email, text to anyone. No-one wants to hear about your misery. The best thing I can think of is go out and take a walk. Maybe exercise. Take that anger out and burn it in the form of sweat.

2. You are angry because of your emotions, not because of what someone else did. Your emotions are your responsibility. Own up to it. You made yourself angry, so don’t blame anybody else for it. And only you can stop being so.

3. If you happen to open your mouth, do not raise your voice. Do not make threats. Do not make expressions to show your anger. Do not play the ‘sympathy‘ card.

4. Don’t drink or smoke. It will only make things worse.

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. ~Malachy McCourt

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. ~Malachy McCourt

5. Learn to respect others opinions, even if you disagree. Even if you think they are wrong, even if you can prove they are wrong. Respect their opinions.

6. If you said or did something you shouldn’t have, apologize. If you said or did something which you know is right but the other person got hurt, still apologize. (Not for being right, but for hurting someone else’s feelings)

7. Listen. Listen. Listen. And understand.

8. You have nothing to prove to anybody. Accept what you get and what you didn’t get. And move ahead. Maybe come back later to fight another day.

9. Don’t assume things for others. If you have a doubt, ask. But don’t make stories in your head.

10. If you still have any thoughts, write it down on paper. Then read it again and see if they are still valid. Cut off what is not important.

How can we break the safety wall?

Some seven months back I wrote an article about why we should break the safety walls around us to be happy. After the wonderful response I got from that article, I have taken some steps like quitting my job and starting up on my own again. Lately I felt that I was again getting caught in a comfort zone which was stopping me from playing a big game. And that’s what led me to reading that article again today, and I decided to follow it up with this article giving my views on – How to break the safety walls?

Start Small
If you want to do something in an area, the best way is to just start it in whatever little way you can. Do anything in that direction, and then continue doing it, step by step. Soon, you will see that all the resistance will give way as you get into a habit. Once that happens, take another small step forward and let that become comfortable over a period of time. This is beautifully summed up by this quote by Martin Luther King Jr – “If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”

The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. - Randy Pausch

The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. - Randy Pausch

Be Who You Are
Each one of us have something unique – it could be a talent, skill, way of being or something else. Never loose that. Do what you like to do. Say what you want to say. Be authentic. Smile when you are happy. Cry when you are sad. Don’t wear a mask. Be authentic.

Let Go of the Dark Glasses
We all have our filters through which we see the world. Whenever we start something new and look beyond our safety walls, these filters act as dark glasses and cloud our view of the future. Thoughts like ‘not possible’, ‘very difficult’, ‘can’t be done’ are all a result of these dark glasses. Be aware of such thoughts whenever they pop up in your head, and let go of them. Recognize them as just your thoughts and not the reality, and you are free of them.

Don’t Pull Yourself Down
When you take a step beyond the comfort zone, the ground is bound to feel a little shaky and the road a little foggy. There are bound to be breakthroughs and breakdowns on the way, but never pull yourself down at the first sight of a breakdown. Don’t get into arguments like – “Am I worth it?”, “Can I do it?” Many times this happens very subconsciously, so be conscious at all times, and catch yourself whenever you start pulling yourself down, and get back up. Clear your mind of the clutter and focus on doing rather than thinking about doing.

Have Fun
Doing something new doesn’t have to be boring or serious. Just continue having fun while you move into the unconquered zone, and never let your artistic spirit die. Listen to music, indulge in some painting or sketching, watch your favorite team play, cook your favourite dish, or travel to that destination you always wanted to. Laugh often, jump and play like a child and always keep a smile on your face.

Things That Do Not Matter vs People Who Matter

In our day to day lives, we very often loose the bigger perspective and be consumed by many small issues which don’t matter too much in the long term. In the heat of the moment, it is not uncommon for people to see other people with a ‘what can you do for me?‘ attitude only. Placing undue attention on materialistic things weakens our ability to see the value of basic human to human bonding. There is also a famous quote by Spencer W. Kimball –

“Love people, not things; use things, not people. ”

If we take the bigger perspective of life into the picture, people are always more important than anything materialistic. All materialistic things have been created by humans only and never has any materialistic thing created a human being. Remembering the value of human life and relationships can help us realize that things can always be replaced – houses can be rebuilt, lost possessions can be regained but the people in our lives are not replaceable. And during tough times, it is always the people in our lives who help us weather the storms and never our possessions. Yet in our good times, how easy it becomes to become attached to our jobs, money and ‘what we can buy‘ when the real joys of life are always free.

"People were created to be loved, Things were created to be used, The reason the world is in chaos, is because things are being loved, and people are being used."

"People were created to be loved, Things were created to be used, The reason the world is in chaos, is because things are being loved, and people are being used."

Decide What is Important, the Person or the Matter
Before getting into any conversation, we should always ask ourselves “Who is more important, the person or the task at hand?” and then never forget this during the conversation. There might be times when our ego can drive us to say mean things which could harm the relationship, even if we get the desired outcome. But is it worth it? And at what cost? It is very important to recognize when we are driven by our ego, and then STOP.

What if we are right?
Even if we strongly believe that what we are saying is right, we should not hurt the other person’s ego by trying to prove him wrong, or acting in an aggressive and rude manner. What one ego is saying can never be countered by the ego of another, but the other person can always be brought to reason by being compassionate and patient. The point I am trying to make is that if we realize that the conversation is driven by ego, we should allow the other person to get away with it, in the better interests of the relationship. Sooner or later, that person will realize it too.

Materialistic Things are Important too
All this is not to suggest that we should stop using our brain to design and manufacture new machines, factories, industries, ideas and services. All these materialistic things have been the greatest achievement of human beings. In the last two centuries, first with the industrial revolution (factories, cars, electricity, assembly lines) and the progress in science we made with that, and now with the knowledge revolution (computers, internet, globalization) we have totally changed the quality of human life on earth. So while materialistic things must be the output of our ever growing and creative mind, but they are only created to serve us and make our lives better, not the other way round.

In conclusion, love for others creates happiness for us and for others too. It’s easy to believe that money and things bring happiness, but they don’t. Happiness is a habit, and not an outcome of something. It is therefore much wiser to love people and use things, than to love things and use people.

I thought, But

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” – Havelock Ellis

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.” – Havelock Ellis


I thought I could forget you,
How foolish was I?
I was ready to bid adieu,
But then you passed by!!

I thought I would not miss you,
But from inside I felt empty!
As I didn’t even knew,
You were now a part of me!!

I thought I could move forward,
Without ever turning to look back!
It soon became very awkward,
As you were part of every flashback!!

I thought it would be alright,
And I will find a new path to tread!
But something just didn’t feel right,
As every time you smiled my heart bled!!

I thought it was just a crush,
And it would pass away like a flu!
But just your thought makes me blush,
And I know my heart whispers – “I love you!”!!

I thought I could let you go,
And that it would be an easy choice!
But I never stopped hearing the echo,
And feeling like when I first heard your voice!!