Life

Articles about my life, experiences, learnings and more

There are 150 posts filed in Life (this is page 7 of 30).

10 Quick Tips on How to Make Investments in People – the ‘only’ thing that matters

Sometimes back I wrote about why people are the best investment we can ever do. Today I was thinking of how simple it is to make a conscious effort to show people they matter to us. I came up with these 10 simple points to show the people in our life what they mean to us –

 

Very true

Very true

1. Ask for their opinion on something important to us. It will give us some valuable ideas and leave them feeling valued.
2. Thank him/her for something they did for us, now or in the past.
3. Show interest in their lives, and look if there is any way we can contribute.
4. Respect their time. Always be the first one to reach for a meeting. Never make them wait.
5. Don’t do anything else while talking to them directly or over the phone. Give them your full attention.
6. Apologize when you make a mistake. Ask what can you do to make it up to them?
7. Show your faith in them, even when they themselves don’t. Tell him/her – “I believe in you”.
8. Share your dreams, plans, crazy ideas with them. And listen to theirs.
9. Celebrate their successes and victories.
10. Make what is important to them, important to you

If you have to do only thing, love people

If you have to do only one thing, love people

Life is about relationships and not things. And a strong relationships is built day by day, like any strong building or organization. So let’s make daily efforts to show people that they are special and we care about them.

P.S. – These are not a set of tips we can use to manipulate others. Believe me, people are smart enough to sense out the fake from the real and genuine.

Still 5 more Lessons of Wisdom from the Peaceful Warrior

Peaceful Warrior doesn’t seem to stop amazing me everytime I watch it. Depending on what state of mind you are in, this movie presents you different insights from the wonderful dialogue delivery and scenes depicted in the movie. For me, this movie is much more than just a movie, it is a piece of art – a wonderfully scripted and executed version of the book – The Way of the Peaceful Warrior

Start Looking Inside for Answers
Traditionally we have always looked for answers to our questions in the outside world. We do so by seeking knowledge, advice, different tools, technologies and products from the outside world. But after a momentarily phase of satisfaction, we tend to come to the same questions sooner or later. This movie, at various different points, depicts that the answers to the most difficult of our questions actually lie inside, which is very difficult and confronting for most of us to believe. But if we start seeking inside and getting present to everything in a totally new way, we can be amazed by the things we discover. I guess this power we get from the inside is the same stuff highlighted by different religions and philosophers and spiritual leaders, albeit in very different ways.

Keep a Good Sense of Humor about Ourself
A wonderful strength to have is to keep a good sense of humor, especially about ourselves. Many times we end up taking our lives too seriously in the quest of goals and achievements, and miss a lot of fun and happiness in the process. Having a good sense of humor about ourselves certainly helps take things lightly and not let them become stress or tension. If we can laugh at ourselves, we can blunt out the edges of jokes targeted at us, and everyone can have some good fun. Life is too short to take yourself too seriously, and if you can be the reason for some good laughs, you should be proud you are proving helpful in providing others a few moments of happiness.

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. —Thomas Szasz

When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. —Thomas Szasz

If you Get what you Want, You Suffer. If you Don’t, you still Suffer
The biggest lie we say to ourselves is – “If I get this result, or achieve that goal, I will be happy.” When we tie our happiness to the outcome of our goals, like most humans do, we suffer when we don’t get what we want. But even if we get what we want, we still suffer, because then there are bigger goals and milestones waiting as time moves on. Time doesn’t stop at the instant where we won something and are jubilant, and since time always moves on, we can’t hold on to that victory. The whole cycle repeats itself over and over again.

Life is beautiful in its surprises and unpredictability. We can never predict what is going to happen or not, but if we tie ourselves to ONE goal or result, we will miss all other unexpected results and joys life will throw in the way. Being in a space of being ‘not sure‘ what to find will allow us to welcome everything that comes our way. And this is a fact, whether we accept it or not. It is true that we will never have control over what happens to us in the future. It is the JOURNEY what brings us happiness, not the DESTINATION.

Life is about Absolute Vulnerability
This movie depicts wonderfully that true courage lies not in victory or perfection, but in absolute vulnerability. The ability to step out of our comfort zones and get into zones where we are fully vulnerable will decide how alive we feel in every moment. It is also very often called as ‘living on the edge‘ when we are aware of every step and every breath we take with our full attention without letting the unnecessary clutter of the past and the future getting in the way. And it needs courage to live life like that, and can lead to a truly amazing experience of life, rather than just living for results and achievements.

There is No Starting or Stopping, Only Doing
When Socrates asks Dan to resume his training after the accident, Dan had no clue how was that even possible, or where to start? To this Socrates said, “There is no starting or stopping, only doing.” The only thing we have, and will always have, is “right now“. Everything else we think we have or aspire to have is just an illusion. Right NOW, this moment is the only reality, and in this reality there is no starting or stopping, but only doing. If we can pay all attention to our doing and throw out everything else in our mind, we can achieve a new level of performance in what we are actually doing and will most likely end up producing amazing results.

What is Reality?

In my experience over the last 28 years of education, work, entrepreneurship, social activism and living in Delhi, Jaipur and now Bangalore, I have seen my beliefs change many times. My idea of right and wrong, how to treat people, how to earn money, how to live life have all gone through tremendous changes as I have met different people from all age groups, occupations and different sections of society. Politicians, armymen, social activists, judges, entrepreneurs, economists, software engineers, students, artists, police officers, government employees, senior citizens, foreigners and more – It has been a wonderful experience meeting and interacting with them.

As I have seen varying point of views about all topics from different people, I sometime wonder what reality is? What is wrong for one person is only right for another? Most of us are very narrow in thought and limited in our circle of education and employment, and these two areas shape our thoughts and emotions. I wonder at the powerful meaning this simple quote by Einstein captures –
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

realityPhilosophers like Immanual Kant and John Locke, both suggested centuries ago that reality is something we construct for ourselves. I somehow wonder – Is the world we see while awake any different in perception from the world we see (dream) while asleep? Everything is created as an image in our minds, whether our eyes are open or closed. In dreams too, we see and interact with people, we have emotions like anger, love and they appear very real to us until we wake up. Dreams can make us scared, sweat like we would do with normal emotions, all while asleep.

The illusion comes, and many problems of life, when we start believing what we see as the ‘ultimate reality‘ rather than just one frame of reference our mind has decided to show us. Indian philosophers in the past have spoke of this as ‘Maya‘. It says that we deceive ourselves when we think that the objects we see are the objects themselves.

Most of our reality is shaped by our senses of vision, sound, touch, smell and taste. And it is scientifically proven that our senses can only comprehend a fraction of the physical realities of light, sound, etc. Furthermore, there are many more realities which we have no way (or senses) to understand and measure like magnetic field and electric charges. Other animals sometimes can detect these in varying quantities, like dogs have a better sense of smell and sound.

Another example to highlight that everything we say and believe as truth is only an illusion is the “Earth is a sphere” discovery. In ancient times, it was believed that the earth is flat. It was so much a part of everyone’s reality that ships used to go a certain distance in the ocean and then come back due to the fear of falling off the surface of the earth. Everything we believe and see right now is nothing different from this example.

I would even say that the concepts of space and time are totally shaped by our mind, even when it is very ‘real‘ to us with scientific proof. But we can’t hold space and time like we can hold a table or a chair, and so they are more about some concepts we have created rather than an ‘absolute truth’. Now contemporary physics have begun to validate this viewpoint too, though I will need to spend more time researching to make a credible claim on that.

As human beings, we are conditioned to see our culture, language, politics, religion as reality, which is only an illusion. This illusion is then passed on from generation to generation. Without even knowing, we spend all our lives driven by this ‘reality’. It takes real courage to question and challenge these beliefs and assumptions and bring in a more mature perspective on how to lead our lives.

I will end with this powerful quote around the same question I started with – What is Reality?

What we call reality is an agreement that people have arrived at to make life more livable. ~Louise Nevelson

How to Get Back Up after a Bad Day – Part 1?

We all have such days, when we are a little sad and depressed, and the bed seems more inviting than the desk. It might happen when you are not happy with the outcomes from your business or a relationship. This post is about how to get back up when you are having such a day. And believe me, you can. We all can.

I believe all such illusions of a sad day are created by the mind when it gets in the scarcity complex, which says that there is not enough money, love, or something else for everyone on this planet. A scarcity complex implies that life is a game of compromises and if someone wins, then someone else has to loose.

The opposite of scarcity is abundance. And I believe the easiest way to get back up after a bad day is to realize that there is in fact an abundance of everything on this planet. Losing money doesn’t mean you can’t win it again, losing a loved one doesn’t mean you will never be loved again, and so on. Seeing in our minds that there is enough in this world for everyone creates an opening for all negative emotions to slip away and make way for all good that is waiting for us. Here are 5 simple ways you can bounce back –

It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up. Vince Lombardi

It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up. Vince Lombardi

1. Make a list, and mark items off it
It is always a good feeling to mark items off your list. So make a list of getting things done, and write even the smallest of tasks, like making that phone call or creating a plan. If a task is too big, break it into small items. Then take the first steps of these actions and tick them off the list. One by one.

2. Exercise
Don’t sit on your couch or lie in the bed. Instead, go out and take a walk, jog and burn some sweat. Exercise is the best way to releasing chemicals (or hormones) that naturally make you feel better. You deserve to be happy, and not sad. Recognize your self-worth, and acknowledge yourself for it. Don’t worry, as worry blocks all the good waiting to come. Let go of the worry and open the gates to what the world is waiting to give you right now.

3. Rejuvenate, Refresh
Take a break. If you have been working or stressed out lately, take a break. Take a day off to just relax. Drive off to a place amid nature, and relax. Play some sport, or read that book you always wanted to read. Just shut the whole world of stress out for one day. And believe me, no hell will break loose. The world will be just fine with you having a good chilled out day.

4. Laugh
Don’t find reasons to smile and laugh. Just laugh. And keep on laughing regularly. And make others laugh. People never forget those who make them laugh. Laughing is the best way to add value to others. By laughing you will not only solve your problems, but of others too. And never forget to give yourself a pat on the back for that. You laughed, because it was your choice. And it always will be.

5. Trust and Give
Share your ideas for free. Trust people instinctively. Rather than fear the worst case scenario, trust that the best case will turn out to be true. Give with the trust that you will get manifold of what you give. Give not only money, but your energy, time, smile, gratitude and sincere love to others around you.

Either You Do It or Not, There is no Trying

Have you ever ‘tried‘ to do something? Think about it for a moment, how can one actually ‘try‘ to do anything? Because if you succeed in your intention, you would have done it, and if you failed, you would not have done it. But where did the ‘try‘ go?

If you are not getting what I am proposing, let us try a simple exercise. You must have your mobile phone somewhere lying near you. Just try to pick it. Yes, seriously! Try to pick it up. Have you picked it up? No, no no.. I didn’t ask you to pick it up. I only asked you to try to pick it up. After some time you will realize that you just can’t ‘try‘ to pick it up. There is either picking it up or not picking. There is no trying.

Having established that there is no such thing as trying, why is this word so common in our day to day lives? Why is it that this word is often associated with the ‘doing’ of things? I would guess that ‘try’ or ‘trying something’ is another of the commonly used phrases we use in our daily lives without even being conscious about it. It is just like the ‘Thank God it’s Monday‘ example I illustrated earlier. Using the word ‘try’ is just an escape route our sub-conscious mind takes and helps us justify our actions (or lack of them) later on.

Reasons and Justifications
Remember any instance where couldn’t do something you ‘tried’ to do. After the failed attempt, we often find ourselves using the word ‘try‘ to justify the same to others and to ourselves too. We never ‘tried’ to do anything, as it is something which can’t be done. But we have our reasons and justifications to defend ourselves with. Lets be honest and accept that we are only fooling ourselves and nobody else by falling into the trap of trying and following it up by reasons. I am not saying there is something wrong if you don’t accomplish a task, but to take responsibility and not hide behind the ‘try’.

Just Do It
Nike has got the perfect message in their tagline – Just Do It! We should let go of all the trying we do and get into the world of doing. The difference in the ‘doing‘ world is that the focus is on being in action. In the ‘trying’ world, there is a lot of thinking and analysis involved, but in the doing world, there is either success or failure in the ‘doing’. There is no successful ‘trying’, only successful ‘doing’. And as we are stopped by different obstacles (which will naturally come), being in the ‘doing’ world will not give us any reasons and justifications to fall back on and instead we will spend our energy on how to actually ‘do’ the task. There is always growth in the doing world.

What to do in the face of obstacles?
If we are doing something worthwhile, there will obviously be some hurdles on the way. Instead of focusing on the hurdles, we should strive to just learn our lessons and doing the same thing with a different approach. Now it is very easy to fall into the trap of such words again. So don’t ‘try’ to overcome the obstacles, just overcome them 🙂