Love and Hate – Is it OK?

How can I hate you?
When I also know I love you?
I know you are not bad,
But then why do you make me mad?

You once made me wanna fly?
Now why do you make me cry?
You once felt like the sweet smell of rain,
Then why do you now give so much pain?

I hate myself for hating you,
The love or hate – which one is true?
All this sadness, anger and fear,
Can’t you see, can’t you hear?

What is right, what is wrong?
Am I supposed to act strong?
But here I am – lost again..
Is it OK? or am I going insane?

How apt?

How apt?

10 Favorite Quotes on Forgiving and Embracing Freedom

The kindest thing we can do to ourself is to forgive the unforgivable. Our “enemy” may not deserve to be forgiven, but we deserve to be free. The earlier we realize that our anger doesn’t do any harm to the other person, and most likely they are not even giving a thought about us, the better it would be. We should rather strive to see the “unfortunate things” that happen to us as little tests to make us into a better, stronger and wiser person. And to turn it around, we should actually thank this person for giving us this “test” that strengthens us. And, as I have said in a previous article, forgiveness is not about acceptance of wrong behavior. It is our gift to ourself, not the other party.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

I am a big fan of quotes and one-liners, and while writing and pondering over the issues of giving up anger and embracing forgiveness in the last few months, I have come across a list of quotes I have found filled with immense wisdom about the topic. Read my top 10 list below –

  1. “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
  2. Remember that we are all doing the best we can at the time. -Diane Paul
  3. I know that I need to forgive someone, not for their benefit, but for my own peace of mind. Don’t do it for them, do it for you! -Cathryn Kent
  4. You remember why you love them. Love is about forgiveness.- Holly Chapman
  5. Give up on all hope of a better past. -Matt Child
  6. Forgiveness comes easy when you know that what people say or do is about them, it’s not about you. -Kim Kings
  7. “Hating someone is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die from it.”
  8. The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget. – Thomas Szasz
  9. True forgiveness is not an action after the fact, it is an attitude with which you enter each moment. – David Ridge
  10. A lack of trust is sometimes simply recognizing another’s limitations – Rose Sweet

The Crap Trap of This World

Let me try to sum up what I am thinking right now in as few words as possible.

The Crap Trap of Life

The Crap Trap of Life

We live in a system, a system of education, work, family and life – which tells us about how to do things and how not to. You pursue your favorite education course to get that dream job. You get paid for doing that, just like everyone else around you. You see and experience that you must earn more so that you can spend more, to buy a product or service which will make you happy, or let you do something you enjoy. But after some time, you will have to go back and earn so that again you can spend. So that you can do what you enjoy.

There are rules for how to get loans to buy your dream car or your dream house. There are rules for how to raise your kids. And you have no option but to continue working in that job you know is not the best way for you to spend your eight hours of each day. You have hardly any time to think in the daily commotion of life, and so days, months and years pass by. And before you know, you are old and you die. This is what I call the CRAP TRAP!

The only good news - It is our Choice

The only good news - It is our Choice

Doesn’t it sound like you are in a maze ? In this maze we see only the next turn and assume that we are going ahead when we are only moving in a cycle. A day is a cycle, and similarly so is a week, month and year. You get your hair cut and it grows back up, similarly you do a job and it needs to be done tomorrow again. It is never finished, and we all live through the same cycle.

In this stupid maze, where are ‘WE‘? What are we doing? Or are we even doing something? Would anything change if someone would suck us out of this maze? Would life change in the maze?

I believe we all are the change we leave behind in this world (the maze) when we die. Everything else we do is non-consequential. The only thing that matters is the disturbance or change you leave behind. Did you leave the world any better or worse? Did you create a ripple in the universe?

The good news is that it is all our CHOICE.

The Only Real Opponent You Have, In Work or in Life, Is Yourself

Mahatama Gandhi once said – “As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world – that is the myth of the atomic age – as in being able to remake ourselves.” And indeed, it is one of the greatest myths of this world that we have to fight our battles in the outside world.

Everyone who has reached the pinnacle of sport, business, or his/her chosen profession knows that there comes a time when you realise that the real opponent which you have to fight is you yourselves. To take our performance above a certain level, we need to break our safety walls and take new actions which previously we might not have even thought of. By changing ourselves we actually change the world around us.

If you want to win the race, then you have to get on the bike

If you want to win the race, then you have to get on the bike

Commitment
If we want to improve our performance manifold, instead of just learning new courses or reading new books, we need to work on our commitment to the goal we are after. We should make that commitment so unwavering that our own lazy and procrastinating self (and yes, we all have that) can’t stop us from doing what is necessary.

So don’t miss the morning walk, even if you are sick or it is raining outside. Don’t stop doing something just because it is getting tough for you. You have given a commitment, and it is your fight with yourself that you need to win to complete that commitment.

Excellence
If we can demand nothing less than excellence from ourselves and others in every little task we do, whether it is watering the plants or giving that presentation, the kind of results we produce will change dramatically.

We should strive to give our best to every second, and not just in the important events. We have to make things happen, by doing what we have never done before, or by doing them in a way that we have never tried before.

“Character, like a photograph, develops in darkness.”
— Yousuf Karsh

Discover The Strength Inside
All of us have amazing strengths which we never realise or acknowledge unless we are forced by some sudden situation which requires us to act beyond what we think we are capable of. This is epitomised by the famous saying – “When the going gets tough, the tough gets going.”

So the so called ‘tough‘ people seem to get their strength out of nowhere in tough times. Our defeats tell us more about ourselves than our victories. We all have tremendous reservoirs of strengths hidden beneath us, but we have to dig deep and defeat our own ‘stay in comfort zone‘ self to uncover it.

I will end with this powerful quote by Arnold Schwarzenegger

“Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.”

Five More Ways to get back up after a Bad Day

No matter how good or better we become, it is a fact that we all are going to have bad days sometimes. The only thing which can separate some from the others is how quickly you bounce back once you realize you are having a bad day. I wrote five points in an earlier article on how to get back up, and in this article I follow those with five more points. What we should always remember is summed up by this quote from Confucious – “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in getting up every time we do.

Stand up for yourself

Stand up for yourself

6. Practice a hobby
Write down 5 things that you love to do. Then write down some action which you can take in all these 5 areas today, and just do it! Even if it is for 2-3 minutes, take time out in doing that. Give yourself the gift of having a good time, and do it daily. It will clear your head and make you healthy and stress free. I like to do my sketching with something daily, even if it is just doodling around. I write pretty regularly, sometimes just to let my thoughts out and only for myself. So go out dancing, watch that movie you have been putting off for some time, or listen to your favorite music. Forget everything and cherish the moment.

7. Read a book
Reading a book gives us the perspective that life is bigger than our silly lives, and there are better things to do. They also show us that there is a lot of good out there in the world, and there is always something worth reading daily. I read autobiographies, fiction, blogs, history books, and books from distinguished writers and speakers such as Stephen Covey, Robin Sharma, among others. Currently I am reading “Business Stripped Bare” by Richard Branson and “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand. I give around 30 mins to both books each day, and I am sure it has a great impact on the rest of my day.

8. Experiment
Do new things in life, and throw yourself into experiencing new things. Live your life as a work of art, and embrace whatever new comes your way. So many beautiful things will happen to you out of such experiments, mainly because there is no expectations attached with them. And even if nothing else, you will have a great story to tell at the end. Meet new people, try new hobbies, do something crazy. Make life INTERESTING.

“Better to live one year as a tiger, than a hundred as a sheep.”

“Better to live one year as a tiger, than a hundred as a sheep.” - Madonna

9. Be Thankful
Make a list of 10 points you are grateful for in your life today. Now do this every day. List the names of 50 most important people in your life, and write down 10 things you are grateful for, against each of them. If you want, share it with them. Thank them for being there in your life.

10. Know your value
Never allow people to take you for granted. Know your self worth, and demand what you deserve. The first step is demanding from yourself the kind of life you want to live, and the standards you want to follow. Then demand from others. Demand money for services you provide. Demand the kind of respect you know you deserve. And demand from yourself to be worthy of that.